I went on a date yesterday. . .

. . . with Amanda Bethel. :~) Calling it a date just made it more fun. She had stopped by the other night, but we didn't have a lot of free time, so we made plans to go out for coffee the next night. It was really good to just sit and chat.
I've realized that it's usually really difficult to be content with just hanging out with girls. I usually prefer at least a few guys, and sometimes, all guys is great, too. But things have been changing for me, and I like it. I want to be around just the girls on my floor now. I'm ok with the idea, much more than I ever have been.
There are so many other things that are going great in my life right now that I prefer not to speak of here, but things are just really good. God is really amazing, and I'm allowing myself to see it for the time being. Plus, I just realized that it's been a long time since I've cried. :~)

What I Did Today:

• Changed my oil.
• Flushed my radiator.
• Sealed my radiator to prevent future leaks.
  
• Filled up on Anti-freeze.

:~) Isn't that exciting! I had asked my friend Randy a car question because I am (well, was) absolutely clueless about cars. He volunteered to take a look at it, and later told me some things going wrong in my car that are kind of a big deal. I asked if I could help him take care of it, and he let me! So today, after buying the necessary stuff, we worked on it!
I got to crawl under the car, and unscrew the plug screw (that's right, that's a real car term!). We drained out the old, yucky oil. Then I got to put in the new oil filter. After we put new oil in, we moved on to the radiator.
The temperature of my car was the reason we were lookin at it in the first place. It was fluxuating like crazy, and Randy said it was not even accurately reading my engine temperature. He showed me where the radiator fluid goes. Apparently, the fluid is supposed to be green-ish, but mine was definitely red. Randy said he'd never seen that happen before. I thought it was funny, but I think it is a big (not good) deal. :~) Oh, and it was really gunky when we opened the hose-pipe-thing. It had this nasty, brown sludge in it.
So we flushed out the radiator. It took three flushes to get the water to cease being pink-ish. Then we put this sealant stuff into the pipe because my car seems to be leaking anti-freeze. We put everything back together, and my car works great!
My heat works now! Before, it fluxuated with the temperature gadge, only oppositely. Now, it's all happy! I like working on cars. It would have been more fun if it wasn't so drattedly cold, but it's all good. :~) I want to change other people's oil now. I had a good day.

Music

I wish I could speak the way music feels. Without the words; just beauty. Flowing and rhythmical. Showing feeling and emotion and love in a way no one understands. I would love to be able to express myself through the beauty of a song. And I don't mean singing. I mean the way music lifts your heart and makes you feel lost, but in a good way. I can't begin to express myself the way music can convey feeling. It would be a nice skill to have with other people, but also, I'm just thinking about how nice it would feel to be able just to let it out. It would be an amazing experience. Just being free.

books

I've been putting off buying my textbooks. I wanted to make certain I had the absolute correct book before I spent that much money. Well, I need them soon, so I decided to buy the ones I thought I was needing. I checked my checkbook to see how much I had, and not only do I not have enough to buy the three I was going to online (not to mention another one I have to get at the bookstore), I don't have enough for the one that is the most discounted. {sigh} It actually really upset me. I'm not used to being short on money. I don't know how I'm going to buy all my books. So now, since I waited so long, I am going to have to spend even more money at the bookstore. This just reinforces the fact that I hate money.

tears

I've gotten good at crying in public without anyone noticing. I had not known how well I had honed this skill until this weekend. Twice now, I have cried in front of people, and they had no idea. When I feel it coming, it's like I can turn it off, but the tears are still in my eyes. I can't blink or else they will escape. After a few moments, they can't help but begin the path down my face. But even then, no one notices. Half of me wants to keep it concealed; to suffer alone. But the other half wants desperately for the person next to me to glance over and see the glare in my eyes or the route down my cheek and show care and concern. I almost want to sniffle and wipe my cheeks obviously, in an attempt to get some help. But I don't even know what I need. How could anyone else? And even if there was a chance they could, I really don't feel I can talk to everyone. Even those closest to me have only been involved so much. It makes me feel so stranded. So I'll just cry to myself; lost in my own dichotomy.