Room to Move

Where the Hell Is Matt

2009-05-07T22:07:00.002-05:00

Have you seen this video? I love it.

Now watch this. Kinda' long, but really funny.

Peepoo

2009-04-20T20:42:00.000-05:00

This is interesting.

One of Life's Little Surprises

2009-04-04T19:40:00.001-05:00

It's shocking how angry a whistle from a stranger can make me.

Her Morning Elegance

2009-03-30T22:07:00.001-05:00

Love this.

Hydro-Plane

2009-03-30T06:34:00.001-05:00

I learned this weekend that if you hit a large enough puddle, your cruise-control shuts off.

Oh, I Wish!

2009-03-23T16:55:00.003-05:00

I saw the Oscar Meyer weanie mobile today. And I got really excited.

This Makes Me Really Sad

2009-02-17T17:22:00.001-06:00

Story Part1

Story Part2

"People are not born with this degree of malice. Where does this hate come from. . . ? How do we prevent it from developing in men's minds? It only ends with forgiveness. Without forgiveness, the hate smolders."

10 Years Younger

2009-02-13T06:13:00.000-06:00

I got mistaken for a junior high student the other day.

I am a dirtbag.

2009-01-22T17:10:00.002-06:00

At this moment I sitting behind betsye, she is typing.

I am a dirtbag because I threatened to permanent marker *the worst painting the world*
This makes me a dirtbag because I first threatened the painting. I forced rushed work, and then after that proceeded to hang it on the wall. All that Betsye can do now is hang her head in shame at the worst work she has ever done hung for all to see.

Shame on me.

Dirty Whores

2009-01-19T16:40:00.003-06:00

I read The Great Gatsby and hated it. I have realized that I despise stories about affairs that break up both engagements and marriages.

This includes, but is in no way limited to:

The Office
House
The Great Gatsby

Things I Learned This Interterm:

2009-01-17T16:01:00.002-06:00

Jim Henson was a hippie.

Jim Henson has a doppelganger on campus.

Frank Oz looks like David Cross.

Sesame Street came before The Muppet Show.

My aim with a Nerf gun is surprisingly good.

After 6 years of evading capture. . .

2009-01-04T18:47:00.001-06:00

I was pulled over tonight. And given a ticket.

Veteran's Day Celebration

2008-11-06T16:35:00.001-06:00

Today I discovered that I tear up when veterans of our Armed Services salute the flag.

Happy Anniversary to me

2008-10-10T09:19:00.002-05:00

This is the longest I've gone without dating someone since I was a freshman in high school.

Yay!

Few Comments

2008-10-05T23:59:00.003-05:00

My mom repeatedly refers to the emo genre as "emu." At least she's trying.

Motorcyclists have a secret world of their own; one in which they wave to every motorcyclist who passes them and no one else.

I impulse bought today. With Laura's money. It was quite exciting. And probably the most enjoyable Wal*Mart trip ever.

Our Country Is Built On A Giant Lie

2008-09-17T21:21:00.003-05:00

It turns out two-by-fours are not 2" by 4".

Camp Compliment

2008-08-02T13:27:00.005-05:00

Amidst all the nice things said to me these past 2 weeks, I do believe the one that made me feel the best was having George, a big, black guy who used to sell drugs in Chicago, say to another counselor, "look, she's black" in reference to the fact that I can keep a beat and am able to not always dance "white."

Neophyte

2008-07-14T11:43:00.002-05:00

I went into a Krispy Kreme for the first time today! It was a happy place with happy workers.
Question: Do they typically hand out a fresh, free glazed donut when you walk into the store?

PostScript: This is post #100.

Undecided

2008-07-02T21:12:00.002-05:00

Scenario 1
Woman 1 at Park: Are you Elijah's mom?

Woman 2 at different Park: You're a really good reader.
Me: Thanks
Woman 2: Do you have kids?

Scenario 2
Nurse at Lexington Clinic: Are you over 18?

Colour like.no.other

2008-06-06T11:46:00.001-05:00

1 in 700,000

2008-05-30T21:49:00.001-05:00

The odds my brother beat in being struck by lightning.

Who Are the People in Your Neighborhood?

2008-05-20T23:03:00.002-05:00

Phil: 63 year old, retired Navy Seal who served in Vietnam. Served 3o years before retiring to work with electrical stuff (that he tried to tell me about, but that I was unable to comprehend). Used to live in So. Cal. before attempting a trip to Madison to work with a friend. Was robbed of his bus money, so was sitting across from McDonalds in Springfield attempting to find some work to pay for the trip. Is a Messianic Jew who does not believe in religion. I got to sit and talk with Phil for about a half an hour today. Probably the best part of my day. :~)

Spec. Ed.

2008-05-06T10:33:00.002-05:00

Found out today that one of my student teaching teachers is special ed. Not math. This is a problem.

Agape

2008-05-02T13:00:00.001-05:00

I sometimes wish I was ok with shirking responsibilities and commitments.

I just finished the last math assignment

2008-05-01T18:05:00.002-05:00

I will ever do at Greenville College.

Yard Sales = awesome

2008-04-27T23:34:00.004-05:00

(large) Stacks of (large) plates, 30-40 pieces of silverware, several small plates/saucers, and 1 cup. . . $4. They're a bit old-woman-ugly patterned, but I love them!

5 books: Tom Sawyer, Gulliver's Travels, The Swiss Family Robinson, The Screwtape Letters, and Mere Christianity.

A dress for summer weddings.

Fun shoes.

Fun, nerdy-prep sweater with argyle.

Raze (electronic-Christian-pop band from late 90's) cd.

Edit: I also purchased A Bug's Life and Mulan on VHS.

Lonely

2008-04-23T23:57:00.003-05:00

One friend is never around anymore. It feels like only the shell of the relationship is left.
One friend won't be around anymore. I don't know how the friendship can remain.
New relationships are progressing, but they aren't the same. They're not in the super close level. And that's what I want.

Sad post, but true.

Holy Stinkin' Cow

2008-03-31T00:01:00.002-05:00

I don't even care that I just posted. I found my bunny. I received a pink Puffalump bunny on my very first Easter, and I loved her until my freshman year of high school when a bus driver allegedly threw her away. And I have found her again. And I want her.

Surprise!

2008-03-30T23:44:00.002-05:00

I have accepted a job position in Normal, IL. This means I will be away from home for at least 8 weeks this summer. I am more than a little excited. And, get this: I am excited to live in a city! Seems unbelievable, but I am. I am looking forward to the summer. I don't typically do that. Yay.

Recently:

2008-03-25T16:16:00.005-05:00

My antennae and Kermit have gone AWOL.
=> The end of my easy car location days.
=> The end of my channel surfing joys.

I bought a dress.
I bought a threadless shirt.
I am very excited about both purchases.

I love(d) backpacking.
=> I have been reintroduced to the joys of being physically challenged.

My family got together for Easter. It was pretty great.

Suenos de Jesi

2008-02-26T09:53:00.003-06:00

The past two nights, my dreams have either included or centered on Spanish. This has never happened to me before now. Not even in Guatemala when I was surrounded by Spanish.

The first night only included suddenly discovering what a word meant on my message from the Martinez family.
Last night, I was in Guatemala (I think), and I was decently fluent. I was definitely translating things in my dream. And I'm fairly certain I was accurately translating phrases and not just making it up. There was more of a plot line to this, but it just seems really weird to have a dream with so much Spanish.

Belgian Dark Chocolate Truffle Collection

2008-02-18T17:13:00.004-06:00

My roommate's mother gives the best chocolate ever. Also, probably the best Valentine's gift ever.

"dark chocolate tea
you're invited to a tea party. dark chocolate ganache steeped with a light infusion of brisk, black tea"

Um, I feel so spoiled.

And I still have 5 left to try.

Caveat

2008-01-26T22:27:00.000-06:00

If you ever find yourself without contact solution, I advise you not to use artificial tears eye drops. There is a chance your contacts will burn like crazy when you put them in, and even when you obtain solution, will still hurt. And all day, your eyes may or may not continue to water and burn. Also, your right eye may become poofy in what appears to be some sort of allergic reaction. So you know.

Classes and Stuff

2008-01-23T10:42:00.002-06:00

Dr. Hartley fake proposed to me.

Dr. Beans has amazing blue eyes that are difficult not to stare at.

I did a work out yesterday, and my body is repaying me with un-fun soreness.

I was bored and discovered origami. I made a pig. I like origami, though it frustrates me.

edit: Dr. Martin laughs at things that are not funny, which makes me smile or laugh with him.

2008-01-21T21:19:00.000-06:00

I get confused a lot.
And I don't think straight.
I question. I fret.

But then, there it is.
There it always was.
The movement of the song swells to reveal the truth.

I don't know what I want.
Do I know what I don't?
I question. I misunderstand.

But there it still is.
There it always was.
The beauty of the song brings out the truth.

I won't ever understand.
I can't.
I may never stop trying

but there it is.
There it always will be.
The love in the song is the truth.

In Guatemala

2008-01-17T23:30:00.000-06:00

God doesn't always speak through correct grammar.

"Thank you to lend together with us these two weeks we pass it wonderful we will always have them in our hearts that God blesses them.
Our family Martinez chanta

Para: jesi"

La lengua olvidado

2008-01-03T10:47:00.000-06:00

I feel unprepared for Guatemala. I am packed and am ready to go and experience the people, but I should have spent more time on the language. I kind of feel like my fellow site members (Hannah and Kirsten) will be counting on me to know more than I remember. I am slightly worried.

Stupid Student Reporting

2007-12-22T22:00:00.000-06:00

I want to see my grades.

Nazis

2007-12-06T17:13:00.000-06:00

Without much warning, they surrounded them.
With a sound like thunder, they grouped them together, blowing them hither and thither without care.
All treated like garbage. Why does it matter who takes joy from them? None were deemed worthy to continue existence.
They plowed over them.
Caged.
No escape.
Dumped into a pile.
Left on the road.
It was too late. No one could help now. There was no turning back.
The grounds keepers have finished their job. Leaf-blowers have eradicated the scum and joy of the earth.

Stunted

2007-12-02T17:02:00.000-06:00

I can't wait to go to Heaven. I want to be able to be in a state where praising God is what I know how to do. I want to worship and express and love now, but I feel like I don't have an outlet. I want to dance and leap and move, but it's not enough. I want to smile and shout and laugh, but it's just not enough. Nothing seems good enough to express how I feel. I kind of think God understands this, but I want to express now. It's almost like I feel stunted.

I have heard people describe Heaven as a continuation of our current state with God. I hope this isn't true. I want to be closer than now, better than now, and more articulate than now. I desire closeness that I don't have now. I want a growth spurt.

The Rams Lost

2007-11-25T20:26:00.001-06:00

But I got to use public transportation!

Guatemala Fundraising

2007-11-08T16:40:00.000-06:00

God has blessed me through my friends like I did not expect.

"Don't fret the jouney."

2007-11-05T09:48:00.000-06:00

"Enjoy it."
"Be an active participant in your life."
"Take risks."

I want to live more than I have been living. I want to not be afraid of doing things that aren't typical. I am tired of just following some unwritten code for what is acceptable for my life- high school, summer jobs, college, career. I want to not be afraid to do what I want.

I am going to Guatemala this January.
I flung myself across monkey bars Saturday, just to see if I could.
I am looking into an internship this summer to teach English overseas.
I made myself keep someone airborne on the teeter-totter for 2 minutes.
I really want to dye some of my hair blue.
Someday, I will hang glide.
Someday, I will see sequoia trees.
Someday, I will see Death Valley.

I will not just sit around Central Illinois all my life.
I will not wait until I am married to have someone encourage me to do the things I want to do.

I am encouraged now.

Newness is Exciting

2007-10-20T01:22:00.000-05:00

One is permanent. . .

. . . the other is not.

Edit: apparently I was not nearly as clear as I had intended. The blue is painted on, the boots are permanent markered.

Soooo Embarrassingly Awkward.

2007-10-03T16:43:00.000-05:00

Three of us were in my professor's office asking programming questions. We finished and were leaving to go fix things when my professor stopped me and asked me to stay to fix some problems with a previous program. So I did. Some lady walked in while I was in there, said something or other, and just sat in the back, waiting for him.

I get back to the other two in the computer lab and they tell me that while they were walking down the hallways after they had left Justin says "Oooh, Jess Haley and Dan Coulter alone in the abyss" or something like that. First of all, gross. Second, Cassie goes on to tell me that as he said that they passed Dan's wife coming down the hallway. She was the lady sitting in his office while I was there. I'm not sure if it was just coincidence that she sat in the back of the room the entire time, but it sure makes me uncomfortable now.

I enjoy We Swap Wednesdays

2007-09-19T20:22:00.000-05:00

Scott cut my hair.
This was a mid-cut photo.
That's the bag of my hair donation.

Simplicity

2007-09-17T16:43:00.000-05:00

After the All College Bike, I wasn't remotely sore, and I should have been. After my motorcycle ride yesterday, my calves hurt like crazy. Seems a bit odd.

I saw a hummingbird on campus yesterday.

I have seen a couple butterflies (or the same one a bunch of times).

It makes me happy.

My Schedule is Messing with my Head

2007-09-13T15:33:00.000-05:00

I have had so much free time here lately. Several classes canceled, All College Hike, not a lot of homework, and homework that is not due until Tuesday/Wednesday next week makes for a very uneventful week. I have had so much excess time. I don't think I like it.

Partially, I have this awful feeling of stress; as though I should have been doing something, but have just been putting it off; as though I am going to regret all this not doing work. Partially, there's just no one around a lot. And when they are around, I don't know what to do, or they're busy.

Ugh. I just want my schedule to be normal and busy and awful again. Then, things will feel right. That probably isn't good.

A Moment of Silence, Please

2007-09-04T10:01:00.000-05:00

As we remember Rej. My fish that died yesterday.

Tonight kind of Sucks

2007-08-29T00:21:00.000-05:00

And my heart hurts to think about it.

I Can Only Imagine

2007-08-07T23:04:00.001-05:00

I can't stand that song. It's slow and overplayed.

The other day, after one of the camps I was helping at was over, a bunch of the counselors all went out to Steak N Shake just to hang out and relax kid-free. It was late and we were really tired, and we ended up in one of those moods where absolutely everything is the funniest thing that has ever been seen/heard/said/smelled/or winked at (yes, we laughed for about 10 minutes about a wink). It was so much fun. On the way home, I was thinking about it and thanking God for people. I mean, there have been times during prayer that I've smiled and even laughed, but I've yet to laugh so hard I have cried. Which got me to thinking; when I get to heaven, will I? More importantly, when I see God, will I laugh so hard I pee my pants? I hope so.

kickle

2007-08-04T21:10:00.001-05:00

That was my secret-word-confirmation-thing for setting up my new email from Greenville. I like it. Wish it were a real word.

And I hate computers.

;~)

2007-07-15T22:54:00.000-05:00

I've decided that I need to learn how to wink proficiently.

Have you ever had someone (typically, for me, someone older) who has shared something special with you, and seals that special moment with a wink? It recently happened to me with a girl I work with, and I decided that I want to be able to make someone feel special like she made me feel. I want to be able to share that little something with someone. 'Cuz it feels nice.

Stupid animals

2007-07-09T17:29:00.000-05:00

Animals I saw in the road today (broad daylight): turkey, deer, dog, cat, fox, and a bunch of random birds.

Guess which one I hit.

Seriously. Guess.

Oh, and you have 3 guesses.

Changes To Be Had

2007-07-02T23:49:00.000-05:00

So the past 2 weekends, I've been at a Christian Performing Arts Camp (hereafter referred to as PAC camp). This is the place that, when I was a camper, I first encountered God and the whole idea of a Christian lifestyle. I always love going back to be a counselor, but this year was different and great.
For a while now, things have been off. I wasn't entirely sure what was up, but I knew something was wrong. I had been going to church, reading my Bible, attempting to pray, but still something didn't seem right. My prayers sounded hollow, and I almost hated asking for anything because it felt weird to ask something from someone I didn't talk to much. But still, I didn't really think anything was wrong. Then I went to PAC camp. I am not sure even what did it, but I was reminded of something I already knew. I had forgotten the whole relationship with God part of things. I realized that in an attempt to have in my view of God stuff only "real" things, shunning away anything that seemed corny or cheesey, I cut out the whole relationship. I don't know why I didn't notice it with the whole prayer part, but whatever. My faith had become more of a mechanical operation than something I wanted. But now, things are different. Still not how they should be, but I suppose they never will be. Now, my job is to find the way to redefine my faith; to find that balance between "real" and "corny". And I'm excited to do so. God suddenly seems real again. And I love it.

Dancing with Phil

2007-06-20T23:28:00.000-05:00

This is a Joint blog by Blog brought to you by Betsye and Jess.

Today was my (Betsye's) birthday! Well sorta. It's actually July 31st but my friends threw together a surprise Birthday party (since Betsye is forsaking her friends to go do-good in China)! We went to Pizza Hut where I received the best birthday gift in the entire world. That's right, I got fake bling. (It's cheap looking and everything.) At first I was a little hesitant to like it but after thinking a bit I decided that I couldn't think of anything else I would rather have. Thanks Jess. (You're welcome, Betsye.) After that we went to one of our favorite places in the entire world. We finally got to go dancing. We tried to go last Tuesday but we sadly learned that Phil had changed the day. But we got to go tonight. I could have not asked for a better birthday party. The YMCA offers dance classes for 2 dollars for 2 hours with the old man instructor, Phil. I think he likes it when us young people come since it tends to be heavily old people populated. Anyway I think this has been one of my favorite birthdays ever.

It has been one of my favorite friend's birthday's as well. :~) After deciding on careers as professional wave-makers in my cousin's pool (we have to decided to start a company in making waves in pools, look for us in the next movie you see waves), I accidentally lied to Betsye about not seeing her until Monday. I hate it when people lie about surprises, so I felt guilty. In actuality, I kind of forgot she'd be there tonight, even though it was for her. Dumb and embarrassing mistake. (it's ok i forgive you) Oh well. And dancing was so much fun. I think we shall try to go again next Wednesday. (we will) Betsye and I even made up our own dance step. It's slightly reminiscent of ice skating pairs. Ask us to demonstrate sometime. HannaH and Drew had to leave early, so we got some quality time in with Phil. It was pretty much amazing. (Pretty much:))

Betsye was the highlight of my day.

2007-06-10T23:29:00.000-05:00

She got hit on by a guy today in Pizza Hut. He gave her lemon water.

I Almost Cried

2007-06-07T22:15:00.000-05:00

I pulled my car into the garage after work tonight (because of the hail possibilities). Not being used to parking there, I wasn't sure if I had pulled up far enough. I hadn't. I stepped back to get back in the car, and I hear a crunch. I look down, and there was a poor little toad. I ran into the house, and begged Jim, my stepdad, to pull my car up for me because I didn't want to look at the poor little toad I had killed. He came back in a few moments later, and said, "I think your toad's gonna live," as he held up his hand that had blood on it. He said he hopped away when he walked toward him. So apparently I didn't kill him. He may die later, but I didn't immediately kill him. But I did squash the pee out of him.

Ice

2007-06-04T23:47:00.000-05:00

So here's a sad story. I have always heard that chewing ice was a symptom of anemia. I never believed it since I've been tested for that before. But now, since I've been on iron supplements for a while, I haven't been wanting to eat ice much anymore, which is quite disappointing. Almost makes me want to be anemic again.

I hate shopping.

2007-05-25T12:55:00.000-05:00

But, I did get to ride the cart on the way to the little cart corale, earning myself a strange but amused look from some guy. This made me laugh at myself.
Then, I was told I was cute by this adorable old lady.
Plus, I received numerous compliments (including one from the lady mentioned above) on my Muppets lunchbox/purse.
So, I guess the trip wasn't a total waste. :~)

For the First Time in my Entire Life,

2007-05-17T00:34:00.000-05:00

I saw a commercial for a product, wanted the item, then purchased the item (well, my parents did). I've never been so influenced by a commercial before. It was pretty life changing. Raisin Bran Crunch is as good as advertised, in case you were wondering.

P.S. MASH decided today that I will get married in the Atlantic Ocean to a homeless bum named Christian Bale. I wasn't too happy with who I ended up married to, and neither was Betsye or HannaH.

P.P.S. My house is scary at night.

Tree Poisoning

2007-05-03T11:25:00.000-05:00

I climbed a tree yesterday. It was a really good idea at the time. But soon after the climbing began, we discovered it was a stupid tree, aka. a tree with spikes. So in my pursuit of fun, I ended up with a bruised leg, a cut and bruise on my arm, and a thorn still residing in my left hand such that I have lost some of the use of my pinky finger. I can imagine that you would not think this that dire of a problem, but let me assure you that I need that portion of my hand. I will just be grateful it is not in my right hand. I can't get it out either. So if I die from some strange poisoning, you can blame that dratted tree.

4-20

2007-04-20T00:03:00.000-05:00

Happy National Pot Smoking Day, everybody.

and now. . .

2007-04-11T14:59:00.000-05:00

I am out of Girl Scout cookies. But that is ok, since 4 of them contain 4% Daily Value of iron. And since I ate about 10, I'm doing ok. It's good for me.

Sometimes, I just don't understand

2007-04-11T14:41:00.000-05:00

Why does God make Thin Mints Girl Scout cookies so stinkin' amazing?

Boo Drama

2007-04-09T23:07:00.000-05:00

This weekend was so relaxing. No schedule. No bedtime. And nobody needing talked into anything. I'm tired of explaining my reasons to people; trying to fill them in on what they have missed. There's a reason they don't know all the details. They're not involved, and there's a good chance they don't need to be. It was so good to get away from the stress of drama. Drama is annoying. I'm taking some good advice, and I'm not going to try to persuade people anymore. Everyone doesn't have to know my reasoning, or even agree. I am responsible for my own life. I can make my own mistakes. (Thanks, Mom.) I'm going to live my life.

April 4th

2007-04-04T19:35:00.000-05:00

I've never much cared for gardening. In fact, I usually claim to hate it. But I've been caring and hoping for my little plant so much. And it has started growing. Yay.

How Much Can You Trust the Weatherman?

2007-03-22T16:08:00.000-05:00

It was time to put them away, so I did. Most of them weren't folded neatly away in their boxes as I would have liked. Instead, they were crammed and shoved out of sight. That season was over. New clothes were needed. The weather necessitated that. It was hard to see them go. They all fit just right and were so comfortable. But they had to go. So I tore them off, and into drawers, boxes, and trunks they were removed. Just as long as I couldn't see them.
Now, the weather is giving the impression that it is changing. I have no way of being certain yet, but I've let myself peek into what I used to have. I was at the point where I was ok with never wearing those clothes again, and most of them probably didn't fit anymore anyway. So I peeked. And now, I find myself daydreaming about the old clothes. I try them on, just for fun, of course. I've even shown a few people. I know it's silly, but I did it.
Now, what? The weather could change, but there's no way of knowing. I'm waiting to hear the weatherman, but what does he know? Uncertainty is eating me up, and it's annoying. I just want to know if I can get all those lovely clothes out again, or if I have to go through all the trouble of returning them into their dark places they were hiding. Too bad it doesn't seem like I can just get rid of these clothes. Anybody want them? sigh I do.

Street Skills

2007-03-21T23:39:00.000-05:00

I just learned how to use a thermostat.

7 hours is not enough.

2007-03-21T10:47:00.000-05:00

I hate that being tired just makes me want to cry.

Pink

2007-03-15T18:58:00.003-05:00

Betsye and I played with Barbie's today.

3-14

2007-03-14T23:02:00.000-05:00

Happy Pi Day! In 8 years, it will be 3-14-15, even better! :~)

PS~ At some farm thing I went to today, the speaker totally sounded like Kermit.

It's times like these that bring me close to actually hating life a little bit

2007-03-08T15:46:00.000-06:00

I'm tired. And I'm tired of being tired. I want to be better. I had a good day the other day, but now I'm back down to a crummy one. My head hurts. Off and on, my body hurts. I'm so stressed. I have so much to do, and I don't know how I'm going to get the time, let alone the energy, to do it all by tomorrow. I'm so tired. And I know this is just complaining, but I just need to let it out. I can't just sit in my messy room (which I don't have the energy to vacuum, take down Valentine's decorations, or clean my poor fish) and cry about it. I need to say it. So I'm saying it here. I am so ready for Spring Break, sleep, and doctors.

Mmm. . . Good Morning

2007-03-03T13:00:00.000-06:00

Yes, it may be 1 o'clock, but it's still technically morning to me. 11 1/2 hours of sleep will have that effect on a person. :~)

1

2007-02-23T21:15:00.000-06:00

I totally rode a unicycle tonight!

Oh, the things you'll do in college. . . :~)

P.S. By rode, I mean I sat on it and clung to the couch and the hallway walls. The guy did say I'm braver than most people who won't even try!

Art

2007-02-20T16:26:00.000-06:00

I went to the Art Institute of Chicago this weekend. Not being a huge art fanatic, I wasn't overtly excited or anything to be there. Things were fine to look at, though. There were fun looking machines in the corners of rooms, though, that were recording the temperature and humidity of the rooms. I felt a bit rediculous enjoying the scientific machine more than the art, but whatever.

There was one thing there I really really liked. Go here to see it: http://www.afterimagegallery.com/blind.htm
The quality isn't the best, but it gets the point across.

Everyone I've shown it to is really creeped out by it, but I really like it. It's titled "The Blind Musician" by Linda Connor. It's a photograph of an Indian man playing some instrument. What I love is how, from far away, he appears to be immersed in his music, with eyes closed, focusing on the sound. But when you get close, you see his eyes are really wide open, but he's completely blind. The combination of the two just strikes me as something incredibley beautiful. I love it.

A Paraphrase

2007-02-10T00:32:00.000-06:00

"When was your conversion?"
"When a cop pulls over a drunkard, he doesn't ask the drunkard, 'at what point did you become a drunkard,' he says, 'you're a drunkard.' I used to feel ashamed that I couldn't recall the exact date I became a Christian like so many other Christians can. I can't tell you when my conversion was. Just know that I am drunk."

I concur.

Microwaves

2007-02-04T22:32:00.000-06:00

Have you ever wondered what it looks like when an egg explodes in a microwave? Well, I most certainly have. Luckily, some friends had a microwave that was misbehaving, so they didn't mind exploding an egg inside of it. The problem was, they had already removed the lightbulb from the inside so they could watch the arcs from the metal they were also microwaving. So I got to see and egg explode while watching by the light of a coat rack knob arc.
Microwaving metal has been something that's interested me before. So we put all kinds of stuff in there: wires, a light bulb, a penny (not that cool), a cd (very, very cool), part of a switchboard thing, and finally, a can of spray paint.
Don't worry. We had a fire extinguisher standing by (but unfortunately, I did not get to fulfill the part of my dreams where I spray a fire extinguisher; that'll have to be another adventure). It was so much fun. It was really scary, and my roommate and I were really anticipating the door exploding open at any moment, and all of us getting sprayed with melted metal and radioactive carcinogens. The door ended up melting a little during the spray paint, but no big explosion. Just a lot of fire and some horrific smelling smoke.
It was the highlight of my evening. Maybe even the weekend. :~)

A song about a Misfit

2007-02-03T10:09:00.001-06:00

I've been listening to Sufjan Steven's Seven Swans a lot here lately. I really like the song "A Good Man Is Hard to Find," but I wanted to know the meaning. So I searched google just to see what would come up, and it was talking about a short story by Flannery O'Connor by the same title. So I came to the library this morning and decided to read it. I really liked it. If you get the chance, check it out. I won't say anymore for fear of ruining the ending, but it's a good one. It makes me like the song more since I know what was intended as meaning.

So I concussed a girl today. . .

2007-02-01T21:20:00.000-06:00

It was during cheerleading (I know, I know, don't hate/judge me). We tried something Kirsten had never attempted before. We were rushed. When we threw it up, it was uneven. I fell on her side, but I actually didn't land too heavily on her. I did happen to knock her in the head with my elbow, though. She was just laying on the floor. We were checking to see if she was ok. She was breathing heavily with her eyes closed, and we all assumed she was putting herself back together so as not to break out into tears because of pain. She opened them, looked around, and said, "what happened?"
She has a minor concussion, and is currently sitting though a 3 hour class with Larabee. Not the medicine I would have prescribed. [sigh]
So this is a very abbreviated version of what happened. Check with me for more details. I just found it kind of funny that I knocked out a girl on my floor. :~)

I went on a date yesterday. . .

2007-01-24T15:22:00.001-06:00

. . . with Amanda Bethel. :~) Calling it a date just made it more fun. She had stopped by the other night, but we didn't have a lot of free time, so we made plans to go out for coffee the next night. It was really good to just sit and chat.
I've realized that it's usually really difficult to be content with just hanging out with girls. I usually prefer at least a few guys, and sometimes, all guys is great, too. But things have been changing for me, and I like it. I want to be around just the girls on my floor now. I'm ok with the idea, much more than I ever have been.
There are so many other things that are going great in my life right now that I prefer not to speak of here, but things are just really good. God is really amazing, and I'm allowing myself to see it for the time being. Plus, I just realized that it's been a long time since I've cried. :~)

What I Did Today:

2007-01-20T17:37:00.000-06:00

Changed my oil.
Flushed my radiator.
Sealed my radiator to prevent future leaks.
Filled up on Anti-freeze.

:~) Isn't that exciting! I had asked my friend Randy a car question because I am (well, was) absolutely clueless about cars. He volunteered to take a look at it, and later told me some things going wrong in my car that are kind of a big deal. I asked if I could help him take care of it, and he let me! So today, after buying the necessary stuff, we worked on it!
I got to crawl under the car, and unscrew the plug screw (that's right, that's a real car term!). We drained out the old, yucky oil. Then I got to put in the new oil filter. After we put new oil in, we moved on to the radiator.
The temperature of my car was the reason we were lookin at it in the first place. It was fluxuating like crazy, and Randy said it was not even accurately reading my engine temperature. He showed me where the radiator fluid goes. Apparently, the fluid is supposed to be green-ish, but mine was definitely red. Randy said he'd never seen that happen before. I thought it was funny, but I think it is a big (not good) deal. :~) Oh, and it was really gunky when we opened the hose-pipe-thing. It had this nasty, brown sludge in it.
So we flushed out the radiator. It took three flushes to get the water to cease being pink-ish. Then we put this sealant stuff into the pipe because my car seems to be leaking anti-freeze. We put everything back together, and my car works great!
My heat works now! Before, it fluxuated with the temperature gadge, only oppositely. Now, it's all happy! I like working on cars. It would have been more fun if it wasn't so drattedly cold, but it's all good. :~) I want to change other people's oil now. I had a good day.

Music

2007-01-13T19:45:00.000-06:00

I wish I could speak the way music feels. Without the words; just beauty. Flowing and rhythmical. Showing feeling and emotion and love in a way no one understands. I would love to be able to express myself through the beauty of a song. And I don't mean singing. I mean the way music lifts your heart and makes you feel lost, but in a good way. I can't begin to express myself the way music can convey feeling. It would be a nice skill to have with other people, but also, I'm just thinking about how nice it would feel to be able just to let it out. It would be an amazing experience. Just being free.

books

2007-01-11T20:54:00.000-06:00

I've been putting off buying my textbooks. I wanted to make certain I had the absolute correct book before I spent that much money. Well, I need them soon, so I decided to buy the ones I thought I was needing. I checked my checkbook to see how much I had, and not only do I not have enough to buy the three I was going to online (not to mention another one I have to get at the bookstore), I don't have enough for the one that is the most discounted. {sigh} It actually really upset me. I'm not used to being short on money. I don't know how I'm going to buy all my books. So now, since I waited so long, I am going to have to spend even more money at the bookstore. This just reinforces the fact that I hate money.

tears

2007-01-07T01:20:00.000-06:00

I've gotten good at crying in public without anyone noticing. I had not known how well I had honed this skill until this weekend. Twice now, I have cried in front of people, and they had no idea. When I feel it coming, it's like I can turn it off, but the tears are still in my eyes. I can't blink or else they will escape. After a few moments, they can't help but begin the path down my face. But even then, no one notices. Half of me wants to keep it concealed; to suffer alone. But the other half wants desperately for the person next to me to glance over and see the glare in my eyes or the route down my cheek and show care and concern. I almost want to sniffle and wipe my cheeks obviously, in an attempt to get some help. But I don't even know what I need. How could anyone else? And even if there was a chance they could, I really don't feel I can talk to everyone. Even those closest to me have only been involved so much. It makes me feel so stranded. So I'll just cry to myself; lost in my own dichotomy.

Help?

2006-12-26T23:11:00.000-06:00

Ok, so I'm a big loser who, apparently, likes to put up posts on a daily basis now. Oh well.

This is actually a serious question. I've started reading a book today, and it's really been good for me. Convicting and motivating and all. But I have a question for those of you who attend (or have attended) a church that they like a lot. What about a church makes it good (sorry, good is a loose term, but it's all I've got right now)? I really want to find one that I like; that fits me. But other than prayer and God's direction, what about a church lets you know its value?

I guess I should attempt to explain why I feel so lost in this search. My church here at home is. . . very small town. A bunch of old people. Very few elements of it make it seem real; ever. It just seems dead to me. It may work for other people, but not me.
At school my freshman year, I began going to a church that I actually looked forward to going to. I loved hearing the pastor. It was the first time I'd ever heard a pastor talk that didn't literally make people fall asleep in the pews. The church as a whole was not that great (worship, welcome/acceptance), but I really liked the pastor. Then he left, so I left.
I've been going to a church at school that makes me comfortable in their size and traditions, since they are similar to what I'm comfortable with, but I don't know. . . This book has just created a longing in me for more. I don't know what more I'm wanting. Which is why I'd like to hear your input. I don't really know who else to go to with these type of questions other than my peers, since I don't have a mentor or anything like that. I don't know. I just want more.

Happy Christmas

2006-12-24T23:41:00.000-06:00

So this has abolutely nothing to do with Christmas, but oh well. Deal with it. :~)

Ok, so I care entirely way too much what other people think of me. I tend to also let what other people think of me rule how I think of myself and act and such. I care a wee little bit that this may end up coming off as conceited, but I assure you, this isn't from a spirit of pride. More of. . . surprise.

These past few days, I have honestly thought of myself as pretty/attractive/whateveradjectiveyouchoosetoyourliking. I know the different adjectives can convey a different form of. . . attractiveness, but I don't think I really honestly applied them to myself. People have said it to me, but I don't think I really believed them. Ok, well, I'm sure there have been points where I've thought it, but this seems different. Other times were because of special occasions or special apparel, or because others have told me so (guys). This is different because I think it. Independently.

It's so weird for me. It's kind of thrilling to look in the mirror and not be disappointed or disgusted or whatever. I'm not used to it. Instead of just being fine with what I see because I have no other choice, I like it. >sigh> (the good kind of sigh) I don't know what else to say. I can see comments coming such as, "Sica, you are beautiful, inside and out" (Pam, I love you, but I could see that reaction.) And it's not that I haven't been told that. I just never beleived it. I think I do now. :~)

Have a wonderful Christmas and enjoy the rest of your break!!

Another one I hope doesn't make much sense. Just needed to get it out. . .

2006-12-23T23:56:00.000-06:00

I'm a little worried. Usually, I fall two weeks after him. What if I have to deal with that next? I can't imagine. Even though I feel so far along, that would hurt. I wish he didn't have to hurt so much. I wish there was something I could do to ease the acceptance. I wish I had been available when he needed it. It hit him as depression. "God, I don't want to go through that (again?) Again, God, I just ask for comfort. Help him feel Your hug." I don't know what else I can say. There's nothing, really, I can do. I really hope I can be a good friend. And I really hope I don't follow. . .

Drat

2006-12-20T00:53:00.000-06:00

So I had some things to write about, but I forgot my username, so I have forgotten most of it in the time it has taken me to remember how to get here.

1) I went Christmas shopping today. I normally despise shopping with every bone in me, but I went with Betsye, and we had a pretty good time. We danced like fools in front of stores like Hollister and Abercrombie that blare their music onto poor passers-by. We did other really fun things. I'm glad Betsye made the experience endurable.
2) I got a Spanish Bible today for only 2 dollars!! I was so shocked at the cheap-ness. I got it in hopes of sending it somewhere in Central America where it's needed. That makes me think of and long for Honduras.
3) I have now been in a Macy's store. I've seen the commercials, but I've never been in one. Yay for new experiences. (It wasn't that great.)
4) Ok, so I'm tired, and cannot think of the other wonderful things I was going to say. So I guess this is the end.

Oh! And 5) After not 2 whole days of being home for break, I watched the entire Lord of the Rings trilogy on tv with commercials. Yeah, I've pretty much been a bum. Today, I was actually in the mood to watch them again. Betyse has the extended version. Maybe I'll borrow that. . . Now, that's all I have to say. :~)

Haha. Nice follow up to the last "falling" post. . .

2006-12-14T23:55:00.000-06:00

So I went to do backflips tonight. It was going great. Then, on one of the last attempts I tried, I landed funny on my arm, and apparently, I've strained the tendons in my elbow. First time I've ever really been hurt. Yay for new experiences. :~) It's difficult to do things like wash my face and anything that requires 2 hands, and it doesn't help that I'm not remotely left handed. So now, I'm kind of gimpy.
Randy, the guy who's coaching me, felt really guilty since it was one of the times he basically had me do it all on my own. The two guys who were there switched into "Care Mode". It was cute in a big-brother kind of way. Yup. So that's my story. Just thought I'd explain for those who hadn't heard yet.

To no one.

2006-12-14T18:37:00.000-06:00

I'm falling again. But I'm so afriad to do so. I trust so easily in most circumstances. But now, it's different. Not only could I be (and probably am) wrong, but what if I'm right? Is it wrong to allow that possibility into my head? I don't even know. I feel like I'm falling, being pulled into it, but I can't tell if it's on purpose. I'm trying to claw my way back up; or at the very least, hold where I am at. But in the same breath, I relish the idea of falling. Oh, to trust again.

I kind of hope this is vague. Not only do I not know if it's harmful to think about it, I don't want others to know. I think I need sleep.

Little Random Things

2006-12-06T19:43:00.000-06:00

So I was really enjoying the gorgeous frozen trees. But now they are all melting/melted. On top of that, they're also cutting down the fallen branches. They cut the entire tree from in front of Janssen. (There's a good possibility that's spelled incorrectly.) I felt really bad for the squirrels. They were really enjoying playing amongst the huge downed branch in front of Snyder. Sad day for them.

I did back flips last night. It was amazing. I did some back tucks and back handsprings. All with the help of my coacher and spotter, but he said he wasn't helping that much by the end of the back handsprings. I'm so excited. Today, though, I am unbelievalby sore. My abs hurt so much. I love it. :~) Yay for physical activity.
So I don't know what else to say. Just random-ness.

Oh, and I looooooooooovvvvvvvvvvve Hershey's Extra Dark, Pure Dark Chocolate. It's one of God's little reminders that He loves me.

Grasping

2006-11-29T20:35:00.000-06:00

I should have taken advantage of what I had
when I had it
because I don't anymore.
Why didn't I ask for one more hug?
Why didn't I go ahead and call and try to chat on the phone?
I want these things now
but all I have are the memories.
Why didn't I take the front seat without being forced to do so?
Why didn't I sit by you more in general?
I missed out.
And now I can't get it back.

Enjoying the Bi-polar-ness

2006-11-21T09:45:00.000-06:00

So yesterday was one of the most amazing days ever. I was in a perpetual good mood, I beleive. It started with that test I was studying for Sunday evening. The test went horrible. I wish I were kidding, but it will not be a pleasant grade. When I walked out, I almost began getting upset and rehashing it all, but then I thought, "why? What's the point of that? It's over. It's over." So then I changed my mindset. I came back to my room, and I showered, cleaned the room up, and put up happy Thanksgiving decorations. :~) It was relaxing. Then I went to eat with my roommate. It was there that I began to put an idea into action of borrowing DDR from friends to take home to play over break. That made me really excited. So then, I decided to skip my next class. The class is really frustrating and boring, so I decided not to put myself in a situation where I get so cynical. I turned in a paper, and then walked out (the teacher never noticed.) As soon as I hit the door, I took off running. I ran and laughed all the way back to my dorm. When I got here, I didn't feel like doing my work, so I turned on some dance songs from a Performing Arts Camp I help with in the summer, and danced around my room. THEN, a friend who contacted me about finishing taking pictures of me for a digital photography class. We went to a playground, and I played. I was just so happy. I played on monkey bars, a few slides, and swung! Then, we climbed a tree. That's right, we. I convinced him he needed to climb, too. Then, I went to a class, which flew by, and I came back to the room. THEN a friend called me and asked if I wanted to play DDR with them. So I did. It was only for about an hour, but it's DDR, so it's always good times. And yesterday was the Thanksgiving meal in the DC, so the food wasn't even gross for dinner! The majority of the rest of the night was spent playing mafia with a bunch of friends. It was a really good time.
So, in summary, yesterday was a fabulous day. I loved it, and I was in the best mood I think I could have been in. At one point, I even yelled aloud, "I love laughter!" And then laughed some more. :~) Yep. That was my day!