Agape

I sometimes wish I was ok with shirking responsibilities and commitments.

I just finished the last math assignment

I will ever do at Greenville College.

Yard Sales = awesome

(large) Stacks of (large) plates, 30-40 pieces of silverware, several small plates/saucers, and 1 cup. . . $4. They're a bit old-woman-ugly patterned, but I love them!

5 books: Tom Sawyer, Gulliver's Travels, The Swiss Family Robinson, The Screwtape Letters, and Mere Christianity.

A dress for summer weddings.

Fun shoes.

Fun, nerdy-prep sweater with argyle.

Raze (electronic-Christian-pop band from late 90's) cd.

Edit: I also purchased A Bug's Life and Mulan on VHS.

Lonely

One friend is never around anymore. It feels like only the shell of the relationship is left.
One friend won't be around anymore. I don't know how the friendship can remain.
New relationships are progressing, but they aren't the same. They're not in the super close level. And that's what I want.

Sad post, but true.

Holy Stinkin' Cow

I don't even care that I just posted. I found my bunny. I received a pink Puffalump bunny on my very first Easter, and I loved her until my freshman year of high school when a bus driver allegedly threw her away. And I have found her again. And I want her.

Surprise!

I have accepted a job position in Normal, IL. This means I will be away from home for at least 8 weeks this summer. I am more than a little excited. And, get this: I am excited to live in a city! Seems unbelievable, but I am. I am looking forward to the summer. I don't typically do that. Yay.

Recently:

My antennae and Kermit have gone AWOL.
=> The end of my easy car location days.
=> The end of my channel surfing joys.

I bought a dress.
I bought a threadless shirt.
I am very excited about both purchases.

I love(d) backpacking.
=> I have been reintroduced to the joys of being physically challenged.

My family got together for Easter. It was pretty great.

Suenos de Jesi

The past two nights, my dreams have either included or centered on Spanish. This has never happened to me before now. Not even in Guatemala when I was surrounded by Spanish.

The first night only included suddenly discovering what a word meant on my message from the Martinez family.
Last night, I was in Guatemala (I think), and I was decently fluent. I was definitely translating things in my dream. And I'm fairly certain I was accurately translating phrases and not just making it up. There was more of a plot line to this, but it just seems really weird to have a dream with so much Spanish.

Belgian Dark Chocolate Truffle Collection

My roommate's mother gives the best chocolate ever. Also, probably the best Valentine's gift ever.

"dark chocolate tea
you're invited to a tea party. dark chocolate ganache steeped with a light infusion of brisk, black tea"


Um, I feel so spoiled.

And I still have 5 left to try.

Caveat

If you ever find yourself without contact solution, I advise you not to use artificial tears eye drops. There is a chance your contacts will burn like crazy when you put them in, and even when you obtain solution, will still hurt. And all day, your eyes may or may not continue to water and burn. Also, your right eye may become poofy in what appears to be some sort of allergic reaction. So you know.

Classes and Stuff

Dr. Hartley fake proposed to me.

Dr. Beans has amazing blue eyes that are difficult not to stare at.

I did a work out yesterday, and my body is repaying me with un-fun soreness.

I was bored and discovered origami. I made a pig. I like origami, though it frustrates me.

edit: Dr. Martin laughs at things that are not funny, which makes me smile or laugh with him.

I get confused a lot.
And I don't think straight.
I question. I fret.

But then, there it is.
There it always was.
The movement of the song swells to reveal the truth.

I don't know what I want.
Do I know what I don't?
I question. I misunderstand.

But there it still is.
There it always was.
The beauty of the song brings out the truth.

I won't ever understand.
I can't.
I may never stop trying

but there it is.
There it always will be.
The love in the song is the truth.

In Guatemala

God doesn't always speak through correct grammar.

"Thank you to lend together with us these two weeks we pass it wonderful we will always have them in our hearts that God blesses them.
Our family Martinez chanta

Para: jesi"

La lengua olvidado

I feel unprepared for Guatemala. I am packed and am ready to go and experience the people, but I should have spent more time on the language. I kind of feel like my fellow site members (Hannah and Kirsten) will be counting on me to know more than I remember. I am slightly worried.

Stupid Student Reporting

I want to see my grades.

Nazis

Without much warning, they surrounded them.
With a sound like thunder, they grouped them together, blowing them hither and thither without care.
All treated like garbage. Why does it matter who takes joy from them? None were deemed worthy to continue existence.
They plowed over them.
Caged.
No escape.
Dumped into a pile.
Left on the road.
It was too late. No one could help now. There was no turning back.
The grounds keepers have finished their job. Leaf-blowers have eradicated the scum and joy of the earth.

Stunted

I can't wait to go to Heaven. I want to be able to be in a state where praising God is what I know how to do. I want to worship and express and love now, but I feel like I don't have an outlet. I want to dance and leap and move, but it's not enough. I want to smile and shout and laugh, but it's just not enough. Nothing seems good enough to express how I feel. I kind of think God understands this, but I want to express now. It's almost like I feel stunted.

I have heard people describe Heaven as a continuation of our current state with God. I hope this isn't true. I want to be closer than now, better than now, and more articulate than now. I desire closeness that I don't have now. I want a growth spurt.

The Rams Lost

But I got to use public transportation!

Guatemala Fundraising

God has blessed me through my friends like I did not expect.

"Don't fret the jouney."

"Enjoy it."
"Be an active participant in your life."
"Take risks."

I want to live more than I have been living. I want to not be afraid of doing things that aren't typical. I am tired of just following some unwritten code for what is acceptable for my life- high school, summer jobs, college, career. I want to not be afraid to do what I want.

I am going to Guatemala this January.
I flung myself across monkey bars Saturday, just to see if I could.
I am looking into an internship this summer to teach English overseas.
I made myself keep someone airborne on the teeter-totter for 2 minutes.
I really want to dye some of my hair blue.
Someday, I will hang glide.
Someday, I will see sequoia trees.
Someday, I will see Death Valley.

I will not just sit around Central Illinois all my life.
I will not wait until I am married to have someone encourage me to do the things I want to do.

I am encouraged now.